I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
