And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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