We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
