My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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