SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
