During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
