Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
