chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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