The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
