Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize