Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
