I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
