Ambien. No doubt about it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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