last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
