Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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