fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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