I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
