i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
