direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
