A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize