Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
