she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am one with the molecules
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
