No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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