You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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