pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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