I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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