I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
