I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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