Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
