addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize