sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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