i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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