Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
barbara walters just said penis...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
