Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
