What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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