i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
