what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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