Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize