She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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