conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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