so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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