she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
