You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
