my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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