I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
