I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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