I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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