If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You left your phone here
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