Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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