I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
