I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
