Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
