I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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