well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize