help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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