I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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