oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Couch. On fire.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
