Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you win again, gameday.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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