Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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