Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
