someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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