"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
